It's November (tomorrow) again and it's National Novel Writing Month and I'm back in. I have joined up for NaNoWriMo which is writing, madly, fifty thousand words in one month.

I am starting from dead nothing and am going to work my fingers hard core to create a new novel.

Or a really, really rough first draft of one.

I documented last year's journey on my now-defunct poetry blog and looking back on this blog...November is blank. Sounds like I was focused.

I had so much fun with it last year that I was bugging my catalyst writing buddy, Joni, about it in June or July.

So I have school, life and writing. All November, all the time...except on Sundays and not so much when we're gone for Thxgvg.

Hence the craziness.

Bring it on!

I share a few haiku I wrote last year as part of my journey:

Yes she said (NaNoWriMo progress in haiku, day one)

Yes, she said and cleared

her throat, then pumping her fist

made the first day's goal

Day 4

So I went shopping

Sue me. Only fifty days...

Christmas is coming.

Day 10

We race and I win

Because I am doing this

The rushing is sweet

Day 19

Brandishing my words

With swift and serious jabs

I tear up paper

Day 26

I jumped off the ship

And now, swimming back, I find

Thoughts weak as jelly

Day 30

The thirtieth passed

Without celebration cuz

I finished early.

In an itty-bitty article in Parenting: School Years magazine entitled "Happy Triggers" it says

Can't afford a shrink? Enter the mommy blogosphere. New research from the University of Pennsylvania found that writing or reading blogs makes moms happy. "Blogging or commenting on blogs is a great way for moms to be heard, and get feedback," says Shoshana Bennett, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who specializes in counseling mothers.

So, here you are, getting happy. Isn't it wonderful?

So more happy thoughts from me --->  --->

• I got an A on my Exponents and Polynomials quiz this morning
• Bryce spent most of his down time yesterday listening to an old Utah Valley Children's Choir Primary music tape (especially the song I had a solo on)
• I'm drinking a lot of water and feeling good from that
• I have been called as the Ward Choir Director and the first practice (yesterday) went well. The choir is already larger than the one in our last ward and it was a low attendance day and they sound fanTAStic!
• I've got a great husband who has been showing me in little ways that he just loves me (one example: he paid $34 dollars just for a photograph of just him and me from our family photo shoot) speaking of JUSTification *eyeroll*
• Ella has seized the day with her piano practicing lately. She's really improving.
• Dane has been pleasant and helpful and when his mommy calls him, quickly he'll obey. 
• My boys are totally having huge group play time with the kids in the neighborhood and making friends here like never before!
• Ella has shown an increased interest in cooking with me (though she still refuses to break an egg)
• I get to attend my first Time Out for Women this weekend and I am so excited!

Have a wonderful week, my mommy friends! I hope you get to recharge today and face the week ahead with a positive attitude and forgiveness in your heart. And blog. It's good for your happy-meter.

• Oh and one last happy thought...I'm going to respond to comments by commenting in that section to increase the happiness of feedback and hearing each other.

Our Ella got the special privilege of being baptized on her birthday.

Family, family, family! Love it!

Afterward we had a luncheon. All the food was lovely, delicious and much-helped-with. Thank you everybody!

The cousins got to whack a pinata and then Ella opened a few presents from her family.

Her ideas about presents have changed so much. She got books, art supplies, a journal and a lot of items for her room. No more toys for this little girl...stuffed animals excepted.

My friend Angie prompted me to follow up my last weep-fest post with a positive one.

I can do that, but only half way. Here are the good and bad on my mind

BAD: I got an "E" on my second math quiz of the semester. (Just call an F an F, people)
GOOD: I made a peach pie from our first peach harvest. I also made three pumpkin cake rolls.

BAD: I still have to get all the rest of the food ready for tomorrow (family/friend post-baptism luncheon).
GOOD: I don't have to make a single salad. (Thank you Mom, Mom-in-Law, Angie and Alesha)

BAD: I'm missing my kids' recital to work on my house.
GOOD: I'm missing my kids' recital to work on my house. (and apparently vent on my blog)

BAD: I have a LOT left to do before I hit the hay tonight.
GOOD: My family will love me regardless of the state of my house. (Loving and Judging, however, are very different things)

BAD: I'm behind on my laundry.
GOOD: I REWIRED A LIGHT FIXTURE WHILE HUSBAND LOOKED ON IN FEAR.

There is so much good in my life, but the bad just waves, jumping up and down, wanting the most attention. Oh well.

BEST: My little girl is turning eight years old and she is being baptized on her birthday. She is so ready, so excited and so mine.

It's been one of those days...

I honestly couldn't tell if it was me (hormonal, over-sensitive, who knows?) or if my kids really just had no love for me today.

I've been pretty happy with my progress as a calm emotionally-level individual lately.

My kids, however, have managed to say amazingly hurtful things to me throughout the day and I have been in tears all over the place. They're words and actions have been run the gamut from merely insensitive to down-right mean.

We had Stake Conference today, so church was earlier than normal. ALL I wanted was to hang out after church, play games, eat our meals and be together. Who knew these would prove to be such lofty goals? *eyeroll* I bawled throughout the meeting. I'm not even sure what the speakers said. 

I'm so frustrated. I'm not sure why I shouldn't go back to the angry, yelling, threatening mom I've been in the past. No one even hears me when I speak. 

Such is the life of a mother: You have them work and learn and try to help them as they grow and they think you're mean and don't love them. If you let them do whatever makes them happy or pleased, then they grow to think you didn't love them and did nothing good for them.

Surely there is some middle ground?

What was that? Did I just hear my mother laughing? Probably. Apparently, I deserve it all. :) 

Monday is winding down to a close and I've wanted to write this post for a few days.

I begin with a poem.

Time Machine (a working title)

Musical mechanisms are mysteries
Scales and dissonance are data
Machines slurp it in like gelatin
The whir and the needle are relics
The spin and crackle of vinyl
Isn't just music playing, for
A turnstile is a time machine now.

-----
I love songs that tell stories. I've had several of this type flitting through my (more cleared) head lately and I noticed they had something in common. The titles of the songs were women's names. Naming a song after a person means you've got a guaranteed story song (even if it's hidden in the background, written in the liner notes). Below is a list of some of my favorite women songs. Have a listen to a few. :)

Isabel by Unrest

Jolene (written and performed originally by Dolly Parton) by The White Stripes

Eleanore by The Turtles (My mom and my sister love this song and we sing it loud)

Katy Song by Red House Painters (so emotionally charged and sad, one of those "back story is the best part" songs)

Veronica by Elvis Costello

Valerie Loves Me by Material Issue

Selfish Jean by Travis (I think the video [unofficial] is hilarious. It's done by a comedian who has layer after layer of t-shirts with the lyrics written on them. He removes the layers with great timing, completely deadpan. It ends with one t-shirt remaining, thank goodness)

These are just a few, but I think immortalizing a person in a song is a grand thing.

Do you live "in the present"?

It seems like I haven't been here for years.

I've been trying to have more stillness, more quiet in my head.

I've drastically reduced the time spent listening to music and reading. This has come naturally from wanting the quiet.

This is an unusual place for me, the present. I'm guilty of escapism a lot in the past.

This week has been not great. I got a tooth drilled on Monday, followed by a visit to the South Jordan court for a moving violation. Oh, I wanted to escape: crank music, read, RETREAT! Opting instead to go for quiet and reflection, I really felt like I was more open to the gift of the presence of the Holy Ghost.

When my children get home from school, I feel like I can actually listen to them. My head's not filled with so much with others' thoughts and words. So often my children's words go in one ear and out the other because I haven't left room for any more. I don't think the boys really notice, but Ella sure does. If I miss one word of her soft voice, she gets frustrated and pulls into her shell again. Lately, though, I'm able to be present if that happens and show her through my love that Mommy is honestly just hard of hearing sometimes and I really want to know what she's said. It's beginning to soften her up to me a bit more.

What I have been listening to are talks on cd from LDS speakers that I've picked up from the library. They fill my head with thoughts I want to think, but thankfully their words bring my own distract-able thoughts into focus and allow me to feel the Spirit.

Today, I've felt so full of love. It's really changed how I've reacted to the irritating behavior I'm bombarded with constantly as a parent. Today I have felt like a good parent, able to overcome the not-so-great of the week.

I think I could live for this.

Ha! I almost wrote Bake to School.
I'm grabbing lunch after this!

So I began my second class today. More online math. I seemed to have retained about 70% from Spring Semester. So far. I'm sure that number is going to drop.

I ain't skeered tho'! I'm gonna make it. I'm a survivor...

Yeah. School.

See this pie chart? See the darker portions in each piece? The dark portion is what I know based on my first  assessment. The lighter part is all I have to learn in the next few months.

I'm excited and I'm ready, but man, I am talking out loud to myself a LOT! I guess that's what an empty house will do to you. I'm grateful my school has finally started so I can feel a little more connected to my kids. Nothing like a little college-grade homework to help you empathize with kids' homework complaints.