Sometimes I don't really understand myself.

I think that if you asked most people what they want out of life they'd answer that they want to be happy.

That would be my answer: I'd like to be happy.

So why does it seem that I try to sabotage my own happiness?

As a member of the church with a knowledge of the gospel, I know how to be happy. I catch blips of it all the time, from moments of inspiration with answers to tender mercies of things just going right in the moments that I need. So why do I turn away from the happiness I know I can have by following the Savior to seek out the instant gratifications (chocolate doesn't count), the quick entertainment, the choice of self-satisfaction or the simple running away from the responsibilities I know are right to take care of?

I often wonder why I try to make my life harder than it needs to be. I am so swayed by the world. To me it is like this amazing kalidescope, those ones we had when we were kids, that would change with the slightest tap, shifting the unstable components into another vivid image. There are so many pretty pictures! There are so many good things to do! I want to do it all! But the world is made up of unstable components that won't hold their value when the jolts of life send them shifting.

Oh that I could learn the simple lesson of the wise man and his house on the rock! I am my own worst enemy. Heavenly Father seems to know this and other than myself, I really don't have any trials.

Here's a big *eyeroll* to me!

I am sure that many of you have heard of The Wedding Singer. The only charming movie made by Adam Sandler in the comedy genre.

Anyway, part of me hesitates on posting this subject as I don't want to come across as disrespectful, but I don't know anyone that has sung at more funerals of people they don't know than I have. I have sung at funerals of people I loved dearly as well, but don't you find the former fact odd? Thus I have often dubbed myself:

The Funeral Singer



I have sung the funerals of:

• two of my great-grandmothers
• a dear, life-time friend
• my husband's cousin
• both of my step-grandfather's parents
• my mother's friend's ex-husband
• my little sister's 'adopted' grandmother
• my great, great aunt by marriage
• my step-grandfather's sister's boyfriend's daughter

There are seriously some odd ones in here, I know.

Some of the songs I remember singing:

• Where is Heaven?
• Daddy's Hands
• Somewhere My Love (theme from Doctor Zhivago)
• I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus
• Song to the Siren
• Bridge Over Troubled Water
• How Great Thou Art

The best thing about singing at funerals is the wonderful and comforting spirit there, knowing that through Christ we will all live again. I've never really found a funeral boring. I have loved learning about others lives through those who loved them best.

You know, I've sung at weddings too, but the pay is not worth it. I guess I can't stand thinking that I might ruin someone's wedding, but when you're dead...you're really not going to say anything, are you? And I prefer doing it for free...no one is going to pay you to sing at a funeral.

Who You Are by Hilary Weeks

I know you wonder if you'll ever have a day
When the kids stay calm, the laundry's done,
and the dishes are put away
And sometimes you feel like your days are
spent and gone
And the question running through your mind
is, "What have I gotten done?"
And when you finally have a moment to
slow down
At the end of your day
I know Father would say
Believe in what you're doing
Believe in who you are
Hold tight to the truth that you're a daughter
of God
Believe in who you're becoming
Believe in who you are
It may seem simple--all the little things you do
But the lives you touch matter so much and
there's no one else like you
And Father needs you to stand tall and faithful
Be all you can be
Oh, if you could see what He sees
You'd believe in what you're doing
You'd believe in who you are
So hold tight to the truth that you're a
daughter of God
Believe in who you're becoming
Believe in who you are
When it's hard to believe in yourself
And you feel like you're beginning to doubt
Remember
He believes in what you're doing
He believes in who you are
Don't lose sight of the truth that you're a
daughter of God
He believes in who you're becoming
He believes in who you are.


Very early one morning I wanted to help out my sick husband get out of the snow covered drive-way so he could work (which he wanted to do) without killing himself (which, to me, seemed like what shoveling several inches of snow would d0) so I decided to get totally bundled up at 5 AM or so and shovel it for him.
I can listen to music on my phone and so I got my ear plugs and went to work. In the middle of this labor, the song above came on. I hadn't heard it yet as I'd just gotten this Hilary Weeks (an amazing LDS singer/songwriter) cd and just put all the song on my phone.
I listened intently and silently wept in the bitter cold and yet as I wept, really, my heart was leaping with joy at the truth of the words. The little things I did, including attempting to shovel snow in our huge drive-way, mattered to Heavenly Father. I felt my burdens become lighter.
This is what hope does. It lightens our burdens. It makes us feel stronger than perhaps we are.
Here are some thoughts from Education Week shared by Vickey Pahnke Taylor that focus on hope getting us through trials and adversity.

• Dark clouds are only temporary. Hope can disperse those clouds.
• We need to not just go through trials, but have them go through us to strengthen us.
• Hope transforms us. When we decide to be a part of the miracles then hope grows and more miracles can happen.
• "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love."--Mother Teresa
• He rejoices when we move away from the darkness and change, pray, brighten up and then put that hope out for others to see.
• We need to find ways that we can be a hope to another person, even our children
• When we break through our disobedience, we will find that hope was missing.

Have you ever really pondered what the Savior says about taking His yoke upon us?
In my naivete, I really thought that this was just about an extra burden that we should take on in being a part of the gospel.
But what is a yoke?
It ties oxen together so that their efforts together make the work easier. It's that simple. If we yoke ourselves to the Savior, he will take on our heavy burden and make it a part of his burden. His burden is "light," he says. This means he is not going to add to your burden, but will share His light and hope and strengthen your faith.

And from Elder Hales, who spoke at the devotional: "Mothers...don't sell yourselves short. Don't let the world demean, debase or denigrate your position [as mothers] as invaluable or as mere servitude."
To all my mother-friends out there: I hope you have a very good week and remember that all the little things you do are truly a part of His great work.

Love,
Cami