Yesterday was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I had had a very relaxed weekend of love and attention from the man (and time alone with him, too! Thanks, Mom!) and when Sunday morning came I just wanted to stay in my warm bed and let the family take care of themselves...
...except Cam had a really bad cold and was feeling miserable. Back to work.
Anyway, I was feeling a bit bogged down, but after having a long, teary talk with my best friend, the aforementioned man, I was feeling a lot better.
Cam stayed home sick from church and I took Dane and Ella with me.
It didn't take long for my mood to rise higher, my feelings were hopeful and I was experiencing genuine joy. It never fails to amaze me how the simple truths of the gospel and reminders of God's love for me can remove the demons of anger, self-doubt, self-hate and darkness that creep into our lives, even when I'm not doing a lot to help myself. Such blessings!
During Sunday School I was able to write a very objective list of needs I felt my family had for me. They are simple and not profound, but here it is:

Cameron needs:

• a strong & loving companion


• Dinner


• a spiritual equal

Dane needs:

• me to be constant in my behavior so that he can learn to be constant in his


• a pattern of obedience to follow


• an organized closet & dresser

Ella needs:

• instruction with drawing & reading


• a little more variety for lunch


• an organized closet set-up

Bryce needs:

• Quiet time


• More opportunity to do responsible things


• Learning games ('homework')

I need:

• Personal, constant prayer


• Daily hope through faith (eventually leading to charity)


• Fresh air & sunshine

So today I am filled with optimism (usually something my personality avoids) and genuine peace of conscience. It's a good place to be!

p.s. Tender mercies are all around. On our way home from downtown on Saturday night I was distracted from our conversation by the sight of the (soon to be dedicated) Draper temple all lit up, but the distracting part was the one small cloud made it look like a heavenly light was shining over the temple. It was beautiful! Cam saw it too so I wasn't hallucinating. :)

p.p.s. I also want to check out this Spark and this Spark.

Well, in less than a week, my little sister, my only sister, is moving to Georgia

• for an adventure,
• to try something new
• to be with her boyfriend Jonathan.
  

I am going to miss her like crazy! She's so special to me and I am so glad that Heavenly Father blessed me with a little sister after two brothers. I've left her a lot, being 8 years older, but now I guess it's her turn.


We had a farewell party on Sunday night for her and then last night, we got to do one last thing together. She had given me Thoroghly Modern Millie for Christmas, so we watched it together. Neither of us had seen it as adults so it was extra fun to watch again, remembering what we did and seeing again what we'd totally forgotten.


I love this girl. She's so wonderful, compassionate, loves her nephews and nieces, friends and family. She loves her dog, Sadie. She brings sparkle into any room she enters. I am really going to miss her, but hopefully she'll be meeting us in Florida to enjoy DisneyWorld with us in a few months.

It's hard to know what to say, so I'll just say:

• I'm so grateful that no one was hurt
• especially my kids
• I'm grateful that the person I hit was so concerned for me and my babies.
• I'm grateful she was so kind and forgiving.
• I am grateful that there was already an officer there and he was so patient.
• I'm grateful that we could drive away.
• I'm grateful for insurance.
• I'm grateful that the van will be repaired before Cameron leaves for Europe next week.
• I'm grateful my airbag didn't deploy.
• I'm grateful that only two cars were involved.
• I'm grateful that Cam has been so concerned and taking such a gentle attitude.
• I'm grateful that I was probably just going 10 MPH when I hit the other car.
• I'm grateful that I have the ability to learn from my mistakes. If I have to go through pain, I'd better be getting something from it!
• I'm grateful my van took the most damage (since everyone is OK).
• I'm grateful that as I cried myself to sleep that Cam just knew what it was about and rubbed my back and said it was OK.
• I'm grateful my parents are in Hawaii and their car is in my driveway so that we can begin the repair process tonight and still both have cars to drive (thanks, Mom).
• I'm grateful to be able to say: It coulda been worse.
• I'm so grateful it wasn't.

Today was a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad day. All, seriously, all I had to do today was clean my house so that the professional house photographer from the real estate agency that we signed with on Tuesday could come and take pictures of my perfect house.
Well.
Well, well.
My day began dark and early at 3:30 am.
Did anyone miss that?
3:30 AM
Bryce woke up crying. I put him back to sleep.

Now I can't sleep. One of those 'make-a-list-of-the-10,000-things-you-have-to-do' (which is what really happens when "all" you have to do is clean your house to perfection) sleepless moments. This is bad.

I thought I got Bryce back to sleep.
Not so.

I tried to stay in my bed. I'd just fed the boy and he wasn't screaming, just talking to himself in a slightly unhappy way.
Not that I needed anymore interference, but it's peak allergy season and I'm suffering. This just happened to be the first night I couldn't breathe through my nose and I don't sleep well breathing with my mouth open (who does?).

Insomnia + fussing baby= no sleep for sure

Try to get baby boy to sleep with Mommy and Daddy. This has yet to be a good idea with Bryce. It's like sleeping with a mountain goat or some other creature that gets some enjoyment about bonking it's head against the head of another of its species.

I gave up at 4 something AM.

Since we're up we might as well find something to do that'll contribute to the housework.

I wash my kitchen floor by hand.

I empty the 'junk drawer'

I file all mailer coupons that Cam just sticks in the drawer

I file all the self-adhesive address labels that organizations send hoping that we'll feel guilty enough to send a donation (I'm not uncharitible, I've just been awake since 3:30 AM. Remember?)

I file all misc. pads o' paper, blank index and recipe cards.

I recycle the endless offerings from real estate agents that we've received since the end of June.

Bryce throws away all the expired mailer coupons and the semi-used, self-adhesive address labels. (this was very cute and helped me not be so mad at him that we were doing this at 5 AM

Finally Bryce starts rubbing his eyes and he sleeps in til 10. I don't go back to sleep, though I have no memory of 9:30 to 10 or so.

It's hard to ultimately pinpoint what made today so terrible, but obviously the sleep thing didn't help. Here's some ideas, though...

1. I have never had a child get into stuff like Bryce can. I didn't blog about how he tried to clean my bathroom toilet yesterday, flinging water around like one of those ticking lawn sprinklers.
2. The idea of cleaning my house for the pictures that will go on the flyer-that-had-better-contribute-to-the-quick-sale-of-your-home-or-you're-going-to-have-a-nervous-breakdown comes with a surprising amount of pressure.
3. Bryce threw tomatoes in my kitchen after he had a bite of each one.
4. Allergies
5. Bryce dropped his milk cup on the floor for the umpteenth time and always with a smile on his face.
6. I went into our back yard and had the thought that this week is the last I'll ever see my garden in bloom (they say the snow is coming on Saturday) and I begin to bawl.
7. Bryce took no nap.
8. Ella picks flowers and then leaves them in Bryce's reach and Bryce puts everything in his mouth.
9. I tried to feed Bryce while sitting on the couch with him, hoping he'd be distracted enough to eat a greater amount than normal. Bryce did a belly-flop onto the bowl and his forehead landed in the full spoon of oatmeal and he got it in my hair.
10. Some issues are coming up with Dane's school that I'm not sure about. More to worry about.
11. I don't want to make the scheduled dinner on my chart.
12. I started dinner 35 minutes before it was supposed to be ready. We ate 35 minutes late.
13. We have two houses.

It's probably time for me to go to bed.

OK. Rant is over.

In the end, I survived the day, but seriously worried Cameron. Gosh, I love that man!

Good news of the day: after a few weeks of doing terribly at staying dry and mess-free, Ella has done two strait days of no accidents. Good thing. An accident might've sent me over the edge.