Do you live "in the present"?
It seems like I haven't been here for years.
I've been trying to have more stillness, more quiet in my head.
I've drastically reduced the time spent listening to music and reading. This has come naturally from wanting the quiet.
This is an unusual place for me, the present. I'm guilty of escapism a lot in the past.
This week has been not great. I got a tooth drilled on Monday, followed by a visit to the South Jordan court for a moving violation. Oh, I wanted to escape: crank music, read, RETREAT! Opting instead to go for quiet and reflection, I really felt like I was more open to the gift of the presence of the Holy Ghost.
When my children get home from school, I feel like I can actually listen to them. My head's not filled with so much with others' thoughts and words. So often my children's words go in one ear and out the other because I haven't left room for any more. I don't think the boys really notice, but Ella sure does. If I miss one word of her soft voice, she gets frustrated and pulls into her shell again. Lately, though, I'm able to be present if that happens and show her through my love that Mommy is honestly just hard of hearing sometimes and I really want to know what she's said. It's beginning to soften her up to me a bit more.
What I have been listening to are talks on cd from LDS speakers that I've picked up from the library. They fill my head with thoughts I want to think, but thankfully their words bring my own distract-able thoughts into focus and allow me to feel the Spirit.
Today, I've felt so full of love. It's really changed how I've reacted to the irritating behavior I'm bombarded with constantly as a parent. Today I have felt like a good parent, able to overcome the not-so-great of the week.
I think I could live for this.
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4 comments:
Oh Cami! This is a hard post to read. I'm such an escapist. Always needing something in my ears or before my eyes. So difficult to even want to change! So many books to read! I'm
Impressed. Thanks for sharing this discovery. I need to figure out how to implement.
Jessica, I have ignored the signs that pointed to me needing this. I certainly wasn't ready. It came upon me suddenly.
I now embrace it and yearn for it. I recommend "Quenching Spiritual Thirst" and "Strengthened by His Hand" by Brent L Top (talks on CD). Something about his logic and touching words had me longing for the joy and peace he spoke of in a different way then I'd thought of the gospel before.
I miss you and our talks. I could really use you today.
This is just so so good.
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