Sabotage

Sometimes I don't really understand myself.

I think that if you asked most people what they want out of life they'd answer that they want to be happy.

That would be my answer: I'd like to be happy.

So why does it seem that I try to sabotage my own happiness?

As a member of the church with a knowledge of the gospel, I know how to be happy. I catch blips of it all the time, from moments of inspiration with answers to tender mercies of things just going right in the moments that I need. So why do I turn away from the happiness I know I can have by following the Savior to seek out the instant gratifications (chocolate doesn't count), the quick entertainment, the choice of self-satisfaction or the simple running away from the responsibilities I know are right to take care of?

I often wonder why I try to make my life harder than it needs to be. I am so swayed by the world. To me it is like this amazing kalidescope, those ones we had when we were kids, that would change with the slightest tap, shifting the unstable components into another vivid image. There are so many pretty pictures! There are so many good things to do! I want to do it all! But the world is made up of unstable components that won't hold their value when the jolts of life send them shifting.

Oh that I could learn the simple lesson of the wise man and his house on the rock! I am my own worst enemy. Heavenly Father seems to know this and other than myself, I really don't have any trials.

Here's a big *eyeroll* to me!