Hope

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

--by Emily Dickinson

I am constantly amazed by how the littlest efforts we make toward the betterment of our parenting abilities seem to reap great rewards. When I put my hand in the Savior's and let Him lead me by his example it feels like I am holding hands with hope. It shouldn't come as a surprise that He is so willing to offer aid to us in our most important responsibility (our children).

Harmony and cooperation definitely ebb and flow in our home and it felt like the tide had been out for far too long. I was ornery, dissatisfied and was feeling like my only choice in the governing of my children was to come down on them harder, coerce them into obedience. It really only takes a day or two of feeling like this to realize it's time to re-examine things and see what needs to be fixed.

I always get very frustrated about bedtime. When I close the doors to my children's rooms, I view it (too strongly) as a mark to the end of my parental responsibility for the day. I don't have to feed anyone, answer another question, break up another argument or remind anyone of a task uncompleted.

My children view their doors as boundaries which must be crossed.

You see the problem here...

Anyway, the other day, after a get back-to-bed-you-can't-have-any-milk moment with Bryce, I put myself in time out. In reflection, I realized that my parenting lacks one of the most prominent of Christ's attributes: compassion.

It hurt me to see how much the lack of compassion had built me into a type of dictatorish, imperial meanie. I repented. I asked for help in being compassionate. I began to read again Christlike Parenting by Dr. Glenn I Latham. It's amazing how easy a self-help book can be when you really need help. The thing that I read yesterday that really stuck with me was about keeping the home a place where the child feels safe. A place where they know they can bring their concerns up for discussion without worrying they are going to be reviled, or that their concerns will be minimized or shrugged off. If home is not safe, then they will go elsewhere.

Yesterday was a good day. Bryce was ready to put up a lot of fights with me. He was inclined to large fits. I didn't fight with him. I let him have his fit (which was probably longer because no one made him repress it), but then I was able to praise him for turning it around later and letting us have a fun time together. He brightened when I shared how I understood that it was frustrating to have to do something you don't want to, but I was happy to be with him. For me, the best part was that I had no apologizing to do, no bitterness toward my child, no guilt.

Yeah, I was frustrated, but it's only my first compassionate day. Yes, I am very worried that I won't be able to keep it up. Yes, I worry about my awful temper, but compassion, as a word, is striking me strongly and I think if I can hold onto that I'll be okay.

(one last thing, if you can bear with me...as a joke, I was telling the kids that Cam and I have super powers. I said Cameron's was super-compassion and that mine was my lightning quick anger. Dane said "Yeah, Mom, but haven't you noticed lately that you've been losing your super power?" Score!)

Yesterday was a good day