100 months of motherhood

I don't know why I did it, but while waiting for birthday cakes to finish baking for the joint Cami/Mandy birthday party yesterday, I figured out how 'old' Dane was in months. It turned out to be 100 as of Saturday. We both thought that was pretty cool, but this morning I just realized what that means to me.

I have been a mother for 100 months.

It's hard to remember when I used to gage my children's ages by months. Now that my youngest is roughly three and a half I don't give those months much thought. How things have changed since this whole enterprise began!

Some things that I have learned about myself in the last 100 months:

• Motherhood is the toughest job I'll ever love


• I have an anger management problem


• I am a hypocrite


• I am a better mother to boys


• I would die without my little girl


• I like blue clothing


• I don't like wasted food


• I love teaching, exploring and thinking with my kids


• "You are the meanest mommy ever" shakes me up and it hurts me so badly.


• "I love you more than the universe" are the most beautiful words in the...universe!


• I need prayer more than I ever thought possible


• When I make statements like the previous one, I fear having teenagers so much it's hard to breathe


• Regret, the big elephant, has moved into the room


• I cannot handle more than three kids and I am at peace with that


• All I need is love (to give and receive)


• My kids have a lot (of good things!) to learn from me


• I have more to learn from/because of them


• I don't believe I can learn to balance husband and kids. Either one or the other is on the top of my list. Thankfully, it changes...maybe that's balance.


• Privacy is important to me, even if I just get five minutes a day.


• My mind is a great place to vacation

I am so grateful to be a mother. It is the most incredible thing that has happened to me and it happens every day.

I know that when I signed up for this that I had no idea how painful and fulfilling it would be, how bitter and how very sweet.

Dane, Ella and Bryce, for better or worse, you have made me what I am. I may not always like how I do things, but I love myself better because of you. You are the best gifts a mother could have.