Journaling and random thought-full blathering

I love to scrapbook and so I'm always looking for ways to communicate what the photos on the layout aren't saying.
For me, personally, I haven't been 'journaling' my journey in life. I'm one day going to reach the destination of who I really am and I'm not going to remember squat about it.

Bryce currently has some fecal fascination and I can't keep the stuff off his hands. He won't tell me when he uses the toilet and how am I supposed to know? We're working through it. He'll look at me with those amazing big eyes and I sense that he's waiting to see if I explode or manage to stay in control and promise him a treat if he'll do better next time. He's crazy full of imagination right now. So alive and not out of control, but full of everything wonderful a toddler should be.

I know that God loves me because I have three wonderful kids that teach me daily that I am important to someone. Mothers definitely get their share-more than their share-of criticism. Half the fiction books out there have some mention of the wrongs the protagonist received at the hands of their mother. One day, my kids will be grown and they might sit around and discuss what a crummy job I did with this choice or that choice I made as a mother, but if their experience is anything like mine, they will also be able to love me just because I am me and they will somehow know that, despite it all, that I loved them with all my heart. That I broke it a thousand times for them. If I'm really blessed, they'll be able to see that they broke it, too, sometimes, so much so I didn't think I could go on with the next five minutes.

There is so much drama in little kid/parenting life.

Ella is so tender, but it sure seems like she's been working the emotional system lately. I cannot even give gentle correction without her eyes pooling with tears. It's frustrating, but it is making me more aware that her needs are different from two boys and that I can accomplish that without coddling.

Hang on- Bryce just earned a treat (see above mention of Bryce).

Dane is an amazing kid. He is very concerned for others, yet at the same time, he uses very selfish tactics. This polarizing way of living seem very appropriate for an eight year old. They do make sense. He can really help around the house like never before and I have seen him be fascinated by the things he sees me and Cam do and then I show him he can do them too and he gets excited. Yesterday I showed him how to use the electric can opener.

Ella's crying because Dane has teased her. I never know if it's a big deal or not. I finally understand why my mom said (when we came to her with over-the-top crying) "You'd better be bleeding!"

She's snuggled against my chest now. I have learned lately that she really just needs time and a hug. I try. She is so lovely. So affectionate and I do love how she looks us right in the eyes, still, and communicates her love to us. She is all that i wanted in a little girl. She is deliciously imperfect perfection.

It's time to have a place to record the little wonders in my life, especially when I get to have a two-way with God. I'm getting myself a journal that doesn't have to plug in.